This post is a follow-up to my virgin post: Be the Bitch.
You’ve overcome your fear of man. You’ve embraced your true self, and taken her dancing. You insist on decent treatment for yourself. You go, girl! You have started down the path to true joy in life. Self-acceptance is key.
So, now what? Do we just revel in our bitchiness? Shall we sit around in smug self-satisfaction, sipping mai-tia’s and crooning bitter, feminist ballads? Perhaps not. Let’s not get boring, shall we?
The point of freedom is to make others free. The purpose of strength is to stand up for the weak. The point of a big mouth is to speak up for those without a voice. On the flip side, if we use our new-found strength to beat others down, to be unkind, and to take advantage of others’ fears, then we aren’t the Bitch, after all. We are the ones holding others down. We are monsters.
And monsters aren’t happy. Bitches are. The true path to happiness is to bring it to others. True joy must be shared.
So, my dear Bitches, use your freedom for good. Be an example of liberated joy. Take your down-trodden sisters dancing WITH you. Create spaces where women can be all they can be. Volunteer your time with organizations that help women to escape abusive relationships, or achieve personal growth.
As for the men, set them free, as well. Women who are fully alive draw their men out of their cycles of fear and doubt, as well. Show men the joy of womanhood, fully realized. Set their wives and girlfriends free, and they will thank you. As soon as they catch their breath, that is. 
The Bitch who unlocks cages and empowers women to be all that they can be. A new superhero, perhaps? Let’s call her SuperBITCH! Got a better name? I’m taking suggestions.
Good Grief! It’s UNIVERSAL!
So, all those who know me, know this: I am transparent. What you see is what you get. I forget, too often, to “hold my cards close to my chest,” and I make myself vulnerable to attack.
And I guess that I thought I was unique in some way. Like I got picked on, scorned, slandered more than the average gal. I’m pretty sure, now, that I’m wrong.
And here’s why:
My transparency has been giving other women the confidence to confess their pain to me, in turn. And guess what. Every woman feels this way, from the quietest, most conservative, to the loudest, most liberal, it seems that we ALL GOT HATERS.
A hater’s gonna hate. And guess what. They’re not just gonna hate one person, ’cause hating is what they do.
Being abused by family members, friends, acquaintances and random strangers is inevitable.
The question is: What are we gonna do with this?
I can’t speak for you, but I have some ideas of what I need to do.
- Be better, not bitter. Learn from the pain.
- Do not judge or hate in return. It will just trap me in their web of negativity.
- Be the BITCH. I won’t cower in fear of their opinions.
- Be the SAINT. Love and accept others, no matter what I think of their beliefs, words, or actions. (I can think of a few people that make this IMPOSSIBLE in my own strength. That is why I need to be the SAINT, because loving some people can only be done from my knees, begging YHWH for the ability to forgive.) Love breeds love, and changes the community at large.
- Don’t read the tabloids on my way out of the grocery store. (I learned this from an article about Angelina Jolie. She told an interviewer that, to cope with the gossip surrounding her family, and to guard her children, “We don’t stand in the checkout line at the grocery store looking at the magazines. Our friends don’t tell us about it. And our kids don’t know. I feel if we keep looking out for them, they’ll be fine. ”) For me, this means not listening to, or exposing my kids to the gossip about myself, or others.
- Shut the door. Purposely telling a known gossip anything about my life or beliefs, or giving them access to my children and other means of learning my business is like giving a kleptomaniac a key to my house. Sweet, but STUPID. (Obviously, this is impossible to carry out completely, in our information age, but we can take steps to limit it.)
- Put my game face on. Haters are like sharks. If they smell blood in the water, they attack.
There’s a start. I am sure I need more ideas. Help me out, readers: How do YOU deal with haters?
Self-loathing:
I know that, in letters, it is customary to begin with, “dear,” but in the given circumstances, I feel that such a word choice would be misleading, at best. You see, my critical eye, this is your “Dear John” letter. We’re skipping the “Dear” part. I think you know why.
For decades now, you have not been nice to me. In fact, I cannot think of a single day of my life upon which you have not abused and taunted me. You have been consistent, and relentless. And you’ve refused help. You’re not one of those abusers who apologizes afterward, and swears that you’ll change. Well, unless you count, “I wouldn’t say these things if you weren’t so (insert insult here)…”
And I have striven to rise above you by doing better, being smarter, growing stronger, grooming more. But, just like a mother-in-law who visits a clean house, only to point out the one remaining piece of clutter on the floor, you are just waiting for an excuse to criticize me. So, I’m kicking you out. I’m done. I’m sticking the proverbial fingers in my ears, and humming a victory march. I can’t hear you any more.
And now that you can’t interrupt, I must tell you:
I am a beautiful, strong, wise, good, loving, talented, charismatic, “whole package” kind of woman. And you are no more.
From the bottom of my heart:
AmberDawn
Be the bitch.
Go ahead. You know that, deep inside of you, there is a bitch waiting to come out. And she’s you. The real you. The “screw you, I’m going to be all I can be,” girl, who is tired of running scared.
You see, she’s not really a bitch. Bitch is a word used by weak, frightened people to keep us from success. It’s the word we use to excuse our inactivity. “…I don’t want to be a bitch…”
Shut UP!
BE. THE. BITCH.
When the world insists that you fit in, sit down, shut up, and conform to the masses’ idea of womanhood, FLIP IT THE BIRD, and keep on dancing. Preferably on a table. In a bikini. And smirk at the jealous girls.
If you won’t be the bitch, I guarantee, you WILL be the doormat. The nice girl who wakes up in a nursing home one day, and realizes that she never really lived. She just drifted, ruled by the whims of a culture that dehumanizes women. And you will be jealous of the woman you remember. The friend, or enemy, who threw caution to the wind, and took up hunting as a pastime, or had 12 babies, population growth be damned.
So, today, I am begging you. Stop looking outside yourself for your self worth. If you get bad service, COMPLAIN! If you’ve always dreamed of a nipple piercing, get it! Buy those 6-inch stilettos, and work it! Toss the pills, and stop waiting for the “right time” to live your dreams. Accept no substitutes for your dreams. Don’t live someone else’s vision of the perfect life. (Especially not mine. You can’t have it.) Become the woman you most admire.
And if the world doesn’t like it, if your friends and family disapprove, smile, and remember: You’re THE BITCH! And it’s great to be free.
