I am angry. This anger burns in me, feels like a lump in my throat, and a tremble in my core. I want to pick up the phone, and make a man cry. I want to make him sob with remorse. But he won’t. Calling him out on his lies will simply confirm his fear and hatred of women. He will wonder how my husband let me get so out of control.
He’s a liar, and a cheat. He’s an abuser, and an enabler. Tonight, I sincerely hate him, and I want to pray Psalms of vengeance at him. But I realize that this one man, this one Pastor, is just one of so very many. My anger at him is misdirected. He is WRONG, and I think he may, in fact, be evil. But he’s just a pawn. He believes his own lies. At least, Dear God in Heaven, I hope that he does, or his Evil is beyond my ability to understand.
In the Messiah’s time, Pastors were called Teachers of the law, or Pharisees. About them, he said:
For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. –Matthew 23:4
I’ve never met this man. I do not know his name. It’s better for us both, this way.
I do know that women come to his church, and are bound in strips of legalism that tear their skin, that make them bleed until they are shells. I have watched one, vibrant woman slowly die before my eyes, assisted by her husband, supported by their pastor. I met another woman this past week into whom this pastor had just sunk his talons. Thanks to his influence, she had nearly violated her own restraining order against a dangerous man. I pray to God that I set her free. Please, dear God, don’t ever let her go back to that church!
Psalm 94 says:
20 Can a corrupt throne be allied with you—
one that brings on misery by its decrees?
These men, these pastors. Their teaching is corrupt. And I have watched them make women miserable all of my life!
Dear God! These men are why I can no longer call myself a Christian.
You brood of vipers! I will not identify myself with you! I will not follow your rules! I will NOT BE SILENT WHILE YOU CRUSH WOMEN’S SOULS!
Or in the words of Psalm 94, again:
1 O LORD, the God who avenges,
O God who avenges, shine forth.
2 Rise up, O Judge of the earth;
pay back to the proud what they deserve.
3 How long will the wicked, O LORD,
how long will the wicked be jubilant?
4 They pour out arrogant words;
all the evildoers are full of boasting.
5 They crush your people, O LORD;
they oppress your inheritance.
6 They slay the widow and the alien;
they murder the fatherless.
I do, I must hope and believe that there is a change on the horizon. That the men who beat women down, and bind them in self-hatred and fear for all of their lives will, finally, be exposed for the charlatans they don’t know that they are.
Judgment will again be founded on righteousness,
and all the upright in heart will follow it.–Psalm 94:15
But I cannot fight this battle by myself. I know that there are others, somewhere, who see this evil. Women who, like me, have seen the rampant infidelity rates among the clergy. Or, perhaps we should discuss the molestation?
Tonight, I’m mad because all of my life, I have watched and listened to Christian clergy support and enable abusive men. I have listened to them accuse and manipulate women into believing that they deserve to be abused, that they are Eve.
We are NOT EVE! We are Chavah! And I know, dear men in religious power, that your power is an addiction, and you’re afraid to let it go. That’s okay. Just keep telling abused women to go back to violent men. Keep lying to women about what scripture teaches, in order to secure your own, superior position in their eyes. Keep abusing that position. Just keep telling young girls that they are stumbling blocks. Make them ashamed of their beautiful curves. Just keep right on cheating on your wives, and convincing them it’s for their own good. I dare you. You have been given plenty of rope, and the noose has been forming for millennia.
I will tell them the truth. And we will rise. And Chavah will be revealed. The image of God was made flesh in TWO parts, male and FEMALE. Your religion is crippled, because you’re missing half of the picture. You’ve abandoned the Breasted one, the All-Sufficient, El Shaddai. She will be reflected. Women will see the image of God in the mirror, once again.
You can peddle your andro-centric view of Divinity for a little while longer, because this war is too big for me to win, alone.
Meanwhile, I wonder if anyone else sees. Even better, I wonder if anyone else is willing to fight. And I wonder, where are the true, courageous, good men, who could stand with us, and put a stop to the lies, once and for all?
Who will rise up for me against the wicked?
Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?—from Psalm 94